All it takes is a little insomnia!

Finally, I have time to write!  Of course, when it's 1 am and you've been laying in bed awake for hours, why not do something constructive with your time?

This is the second bout I have had with insomnia in the last year.  The first was just over 10 months ago; 2 days before Tommy (then 3) was scheduled to have tubes put in his ears.  Despite my rational understanding that the surgery would take all of 5 minutes, I was obviously shaken.

It seems I've mistaken anxiety for excitement.  On Saturday, I will be attending a Unite Grief Support training for support group facilitators.  While I know there is a certain amount of real excitement to be able to focus on something that means so much to me, I now think that I may be experiencing as much anxiety as excitement.

I have allowed myself to get busy with everything... work, keeping up with the house, work, the animals, work.... and now I'm just overloaded.  There is so much I want to do, but I want to do everything well, and there's just not time in the day, week, month, year, to do everything!  How many times in life do I need to be taught this lesson?  Sometimes I really am such a slow learner.

Ok, enough rambling.  I am looking forward to this training on Saturday to meet with others who have similar missions in their lives.  Through the loss of a baby, it has caused a change in us that has created a new drive to make a difference in the lives of others.  We know what it is like to be supported and want to provide that kind of help to others; we know what it is like to have many needs unmet and want to help fill those needs so that others will not have to struggle alone.

So is it excitement, or anxiety?  Maybe a little of both.  I guess I'll just have to wait to see how it all works out.  I know what God has inscribed on my heart... I have responded, and now the ball is in His court again.  Yep, putting it that way, it is definitely a combination of excitement and anxiety... because I think we all know that when our Lord show us His way, sometimes it seems a fabulous blessing, and sometimes it seems like a struggle that will be insurmountable (without Him, of course).

I'll end with a verse that was one of my favorites as a teenager, and has recently been brought close to my heart again (not just for what I have experienced, but from friends of our family who are experiencing their own life-altering struggles). 

1 Corinthians 10:13: "No trial has come to you but what is human.  God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength, but with the trial He will also provide a way out so that you may be able to bear it."

Wow, that makes me look forward to the day of putting human trials behind us.  I will not be sorry to shed this human skin and struggle to join Him in His Kingdom!

P.S.  I promise to start describing the "mission" in more detail as I continue.  I'm not sure how it will all play out, but I have some ideas based on my experience, the needs I see, and of course I'm hoping that what I learn on Saturday will give me some concrete direction.  All I am certain of is that it will happen in God's time according to His will.  Unfortunately He's not big on giving us a detailed itinerary, but I guess therein lies the "trials" of it all!